Formatt

2011: A Year in Facebook Posts

2012-01-10T13:19:00.007-05:00

1/3: misses, misses, misses you

1/3: is on her way home...so happy

1/10: found it harder then normal to leave this morning

1/10: never thought she would be one of those people who runs for a train. but here we are.

1/10: Is testing a theory about failure...

1/13: is very happy to be homeward bound

1/19: knows I couldn't do this without you. thank you

1/20: just cryin it out...it may be a long night

1/24: now owns a car that tells the temperature. I didn't need to know it was negative 10 this morning though.

1/24: is thinking about home

1/26: stuck on train 20 minutes outside Portland...frustrated and wishing I was still in bed

1/26: new aerobic exercise program: train running

1/29: Ferber method=fail

1/31: will do whatever it takes

2/4: just saw a woman in the train station in shiny black leather pants, a extra large white fur hat and a decorative cane. I assumed she was Russian until she said goodbye to her dad. am both entertained and frightened.

2/4: remembers why she hates public transportation. it seems as though running even close to on time more then once a week is too much to ask.

2/4: misses her freedom car, her 15 minute drive to work and her Marlboro Reds

2/5: loves weekends with her boys

2/7: you're better then the best

2/8: we did it!!! What a year...

2/9: I see "perps" and "unsubs" everywhere have I A) seen too much Law & Order/Criminal Minds B)regained my Northeast cynicism or C) gone without sleep for so long I have finally lost it?
2/14: misses the sound of your voice

2/14: so happy to be home with her boys

2/23: Nobody's clapping...

2/28: long drive...would like to give a shout to my car for holding its own on the snowy icy roads

2/28: misses her boys

2/28: is so glad to be home

3/2: would like to thank everyone in her life who inspires her everyday to dream big

3/5: fingers crossed

3/9: is tired of the concept of "trying"

3/13: in Charlotte. how can one airpore be filled with so many people expessing no urgency. also why is there no McDonalds?

3/13: in Miami. not as great as it sounds.

3/14: is thinking about the awakening

3/14: why is there no soda in this hotel?

3/14: found diet coke. happiest I've been all day.

3/15: thinking about home...and community banking

3/15: en route to airport. spent a total of 5 minutes outside today. it was a nice 5 min though.

3/15: imagining how good my phillie cheese steak is going to be for dinner.

3/15: us air just made me gate check my bag. will it make it to Portland? the odds are set at 50%. you want the over or the under?

3/15: just landed in Philly. the pilot actually said "now that I got your attention with my landing". maybe I should drive the rest of the way home

3/15: is on her last leg home. can't wait to see her boys

3/15: made it to Portland. been waiting for my bag for way way to long. booooo us air.

3/20: cat got sprayed by a skunk. house now smells like a skunk...anyone had any luck dealing with this type of problem? Or should i start looking for a new house?

3/21: really misses her boys today

3/23: really misses NOLA today...

3/27: great Maple Sunday with the family!

4/4: Going through bug withdrawl

4/11:misses nola, Marlboros, her boys and the sense that she is doing something worthwhile

4/13: eat your ceral with a fork and do your homework in the dark

5/4: try to leave a light on when I'm gone

5/11: why does the parking garage smell like burned broccoli?

5/11: listening to the Celtics lose while driving home = bad idea

6/19: Happy Fathers Day to the love of my life, Huey Sheffler. Jack and I would be lost without you

6/22: Wonders what the guy driving the truck with the bumper sticker "have you hugged your assault rifle today" would say to the guy in the Prius with the "I'd rather be stomping imperialism" bumper sticker?

6/27: was really wishing I was driving my SUV as I passed the guy in the Prius with the bumper sticker "draft SUV owners first"...

6/27: loves being able to smell the ocean

7/14: Nixon- you are the worst pet I have ever had. You spent your first days with us throwing up on the floor. You cried the whole drive from NOLA to Maine. You pooped all over our new house and because of you we have to replace a carpet in one of our bedrooms. Your tale is broken and your eyes look in two different directions. But I love you and I would really like you to come home now.

7/15: Thinking of going to the Clam Festivale for the first time since the mid-90's...any recommendations on parking spots out of the fray?

8/2: misses you

8/3: just had one of those moments...

8/24: feels like she has been away for a long time

9/20: misses her boys

10/6: Sad to hear about Steve Jobs...while I have never been a huge fan of Apple products he gave a speech in 2005 that changed my life: http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

10/18: What happens at the interesection of ramping up and winding down?

10/30: Does anyone know if there an alternative to cmp as a power company in southern Maine? This no power thing is unacceptable. The fact that you can't even get a real person when you call is maybe the worst customer experience I have ever encountered.

10/31: Power back on (thanks to nana and gramps for letting the bug - and us sleep in a warm house last night). Cozy in my office. Am researching whole house generators :)

11/9: what is it about deadlines that feel so definitive...

11/9: Has no idea how she will sleep tonight

11/24: Thankful for good friends, wonderful family, a warm fire, tasty food and for Huey. Happy Thanksgiving everyone

12/22: It's been two and a half years since I met Huey Sheffler, two years since we adopted our cat Jackcat, 18 months since we bought our house, 15 months since our son Jack was born, 6 weeks since our daughter Sophia was born, 24 hours since our dog Nola came home and 5 hours since we said "I Do" in front of our children and a judge. We're married and couldn't be happier!

12/25: Merry Christmas to all. So thankful for Nana and Grandpa, uncle Edward, the kids and for Huey. Always for Huey. Hope your day was as full of warmth and laughter and food as ours was.

A compromise means no one is happy

2011-09-06T10:33:00.005-04:00

We say we compromise all the time. We compromise on what movie to watch with friends or what color to paint the bathroom. The President says Congress needs to compromise in order to balance the budget or pass a jobs bill. But compromise isn't the right word for any of this. These are not examples of compromise. At least not in the way we mean it. Just like we use "near miss" to mean "wow that was close" instead of what it actually means...that we hit something. Or we say that the town was decimated by the hurricane, when in fact if the town was decimated only 1/10 of it was damaged...instead of nearly all of it.

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to compromise and when you boil it down to the basics, to compromise means for each party to give up something in exchange of coming to an agreement. Doesn't this really mean that everyone loses? Think of it this way. You would hear someone say they would never compromise on their morals or principles. So why would they then compromise on the type of house they want to buy, the job they want to have or what they watch on TV? If our principles and morals are not something we would change, or "give an inch on" why would we give that inch elsewhere?

The answer is we don't. There are just certain fights that we choose not to engage in. Should we watch the Phillies or the Red Sox game on TV? They play at the same time, we can't watch both because we don't have a screen in screen TV. You could argue a compromise is flip between the two games but then neither person is happy because you aren't really watching either. So one person will call it a compromise and say, "let's just watch the Phillies tonight." But they haven't compromised. They have given up.

So stop compromising and start choosing your battles. Fight the fights that you won't give an inch on and ignore the rest. It may just mean a step closer to being happy...

Glass Ceilings

2011-07-20T15:25:00.002-04:00

I wish that women could get out their own way long enough to stop making our entire gender look bad. Perhaps it is the position we find ourselves in. Having spent so many years demanding equality without thinking about what that would cost us. Without considering the damage we might do if someday we actually did break through the elusive and reinforced glass ceiling.

From business to politics to the tabloids, we may read about men failing, getting caught in scandals, being put in jail. But we aren't reading about the women at all - even those women who try to climb the corporate ladder, or reach the highest echelons of politics find themselves either riding the coat tails of, or being brought down by a man.

Now I am no feminist. But until we find a way to stop digging the divide between us deeper by believing we are playing on their home field with paid off refs, nothing will change. I'm thinking of starting a new movement...one in which women stop trying to compete with men at ever turn, and embrace the things in ourselves that make us valuable. Not as women in a man's world. But as people, in our world.

Resigned

2011-05-11T12:11:00.003-04:00

I was talking to someone the other day and I said "you know I am really just resigned about my life right now." Their response: "That is awful you feel so hopeless." And I was confused.

I don't feel hopeless. I feel resigned. I feel like I do when I sit down at a Texas Hold 'Em poker game and the cards are dealt and the first round of betting has just begun. You have time to take a peak at your cards and you have to make a decision. Before the flop, before all the bets are down. Do you fold? Or do you play?

I am choosing to play. And that is what I mean by resigned. I am here. Sitting at the table with my two cards. I have made my bet. Now I have to wait and see how the hand plays out - knowing that along the way there will be crucial decisions that I will need to make to keep myself alive in the game. Resigned.

Merriam Webster defines it as: "to give oneself over without resistance." You will notice that definition, like the one I use, does not apply a positive or negative emotion to the word.

When I was teaching last year in New Orleans I focused a lot of time with my kids on the difference between the denotative definitions of words (how the dictionary defines them) and the connotative definitions of words (how we react to them or feel about them). The word resigned, like the word failure are both good examples where the denotative definition has long been lost to the connotative one. Perhaps it is time for new words...

Words out of Context

2011-03-16T18:17:00.003-04:00

The Miami airport has words inscribed in the floor of the terminal. I think if you were to look at it the right way you would read something amazing. Something about Miami and its history and its culture and its environment and its people. But instead all I could see where words out of context.

"Soaked up, never given back." Absorbed into time. Who wrote that line? What did they mean it to go with? Were they talking about the environment? An experience? The sand? The sun? An old lover?

As I could not begin to understand the authors intent I was instead left in the Miami airport feeling somehow empty and confused. Able to only put my interpretation against them. But wanting desperately to understand the whole picture. To see something outside of my own context.

An addition to "trying"

2011-03-11T15:49:00.002-05:00

One last thought that woke me up in the middle of the night last night. Failure is one of the things that makes us great. We should always seek to take risks and see the outcomes for what they are not just a failure or a success. I think what bothers me about how we use the word trying is that we use it to give ourselves an excuse to fail. To somehow soften the blow to ourselves and others.

When we stop fearing failure, we will also stop trying. And begin doing.

The Trouble with Trying

2011-03-10T18:04:00.002-05:00

I was always told to "try the best I could". The implication being that if I tried my best, even if I failed, I had somehow succeeded. I have struggled with that concept always. I don't see how trying negates the failure. It doesn't mean we don't learn from trying. It doesn't mean that failing is a bad thing. But I have grown tired of the concept of simply trying to do something.

If change is desired badly enough whether it be to quit smoking, get a new job, leave a relationship, start exercising then you don't "try" to do it. You simply begin taking the step necessary to do it. It doesn't mean the path is always clear and easy. It doesn't mean you won't have setbacks. But it does mean you have banished trying.

It is easy to tell when someone has reached that point. Their vocabulary changes. They no longer say: "I am trying to quit smoking." They say: "I quit smoking." They don't say: I am going to try to get to the gym 3 times a week." They say: "I go to the gym 3 times a week.

I say we remove "try" from our vocabulary. We do, or we don't. And we live with that.

We

2011-02-28T12:46:00.002-05:00

I remember when I was first in a serious relationship and one night on the phone with my mother I responded, "oh we're fine." She hadn't asked about us. She had asked about me. But somehow in our coupling I had changed my I to We. Years later when I found myself single again I had a lot of trouble reverting back to saying I. My instinct was to respond as though I was speaking for someone in addition to myself. I more I thought about it, the more I realized that when we answer for We we are saying something. Every word has meaning. So I did some research and in addition to discovering that people in Fiji have 6 distinct words for We I found some other interesting facts about a word that doesn't get much thought.

The Inclusive We: this is the one we use when the person is with us. So my Jen and I were going to lunch and someone asked where we were going and I said "oh We are going to lunch." It is inclusive because Jen was with me. This is the most common use of the word and honestly the one that is least interesting.

The Exclusive We: this is the one I use too much. When my mother asks how I am and I say "oh We are fine" and I include my fiance and son in that We, except they are not there with me, and in fact they may not be fine. I am simply speaking for them. I am removing their voice. We use this meaning all the time and perhaps should rethink it. We say it in the business world: "oh We would be happy to make those changes." When the person who has to make them wasn't even at the meeting. Or in our personal lives: "We are so happy for you." When we know our spouse doesn't care that our friend from college is getting married. It is an inauthentic use of the word, and provides us a great opportunity to continue to hide behind language.

The Royal We/The Editorial We: the Royal We apparently (thank you Wikipedia) has it roots from when kings would say We meaning: "God and I." It isn't used that way anymore and is now more often called the Editorial We. Used when one person is speaking for many. Think the exclusive We except instead of just talking about your spouse you are talking about an entire political party. This We puts people into the role of being a voice of the masses - it is probably less inauthentic then the exclusive we because people know that speakers are not in fact speaking on behalf of everyone - but its use still creates a feeling of urgency or importance that the word I would not create.

The Author's We: this is where we use We to refer to a generic third person. "When We mix yeast and warm water the yeast rises." It is essentially used to shorten a sentence, either written or stated, in replacement of the word "someone".

The Patronizing We: isn't this the best kind? "Did we walk the dog today?" "Did we forget to take out the trash?" We use it to draw attention to something we wanted someone else to do...and usually they didn't. It is a wonderfully passive aggressive way to bust someones balls.

The English language is a fascinating thing and even among native born speakers so much can be lost in translation. Did my mother notice that as my marriage collapsed "We" went from being "great" to "good" to "fine" to "busy"? What if I had been answering just for myself? Would I have answered differently then We did?

The categories of the word We noted above came from Wikipedia - the insight/ramblings about them, well that's all me :)

Thoughts in Motion

2011-02-09T17:50:00.002-05:00

My commute to work has changed drastically, leaving me with 12 hours a week of time. Just time, while the world rushes past the train windows. I leave Portland so long before the sunrises that I am in a different state by the time it peaks red and orange and yellow above the farm land. I try not to see it as lost time. Try to maximize it. Reading, working, thinking. But it is that third that has gotten me hung up. Too much time with ones own mind is a dangerous thing. Is it scripture that says "idle hands are the devils work" or something like that? To me it is an idle mind.

So I try to capture the sense of calm and one day at a time attitude I so easily embraced in New Orleans. But it seems to slip away a little each day. I grind my teeth again, have migraines again, wish away entire weeks and then find myself on a train. With nothing but time. To think about what I've missed, what I've left behind and what is ahead. The train may be my embodiment of hell. Especially when the guy behind me won't stop singing along to his iPod.

2010 In Status

2011-01-21T15:31:00.004-05:00

Haven't found the right words to capture the last year...so here it is in Facebook status...

1/11-things move change shift. but it is good and I am ready.
1/19-the east is covered in pink fog this morning. except we all know its not fog. because fog doesn't smell like this.
1/20-the fog is gray today. the smell is the same. I may throw up.
1/21-today the east smells like burnt toast. the entire city. how is that even possible?
1/22-runners, gang fights, lockdowns. oh but its friday :)
1/22-manchu chicken!
1/25-has self diagnosed herself with oppositional defiance disorder
2/10-is really proud of her boys right now
2/12-is thinking about a gold medal...again...
3/10-why is fog cool and magical in san francisco and just gross here? isn't it all the same fog?
3/24-amazing sunrise over the mississippi. I'm not a morning person but I will miss this.
4/27-in the memphis airport. really unimpressed. but happy to be headed north!
4/27-back in Boston. I love this weather!
5/2-heading back to nola. after such an amazing time up north it actually hurts.
5/7-is watching her boys play flag football against the coaches. may we all experience moments of such pride.
5/9-any of my Maine friends know of a good maid or maid service? Am I showing my pretension by asking? No I just recognize that at 31 I am not going to start cleaning any time soon :) Any suggestions would be great!!!!!
5/11-fire at school and now the whole city smells like oil. I am officially starting my countdown
5/11-amended post: two fires set at school. the east still smells like oil. its time.
5/17-watching my 7th graders compete in martial arts in my cafeteria. amazing how far they've come since august. this I will miss.
5/19-playing chess with one of my 6th graders. laughing so hard. this I will miss
5/20-watching one of my "struggling" math students teach his peers sine, cosine and tangent. this I will miss
5/21-sharing an ipod with charles. listening to drake. this I will miss.
5/22-t-minus one week....and counting
5/26-waiting at the airport for her brother to arrive. can't wait to see him!
5/27-may 27th. eating my first school breakfast. hmmmmm
5/27-playing board games with my boys. laughing.
5/28-will miss my boys
5/29-just drove 16 ft truck with trailer onto bourbon
5/29-as an fyi. the mississippi welcome center is closed.
5/29-the alabama welcome center is open. but not welcoming.
5/29-the city of birmingham sucks. that is all.
5/30-‎4 adults 3 cats 1 hotel room. interesting night
5/30-quadruple parked at a dairy queen somewhere in alabama. mnm blizzard. happy.
5/31-in west Virginia. cue banjos
5/31-made it to quakertown! ah east coast. how I have missed thee
6/1-on the road again. maineward bound
6/1-apparently a truck towing a car costs 25 in tolls to cross the tapenzee. a problem when you only have 20.
6/2-is home
6/17-is hanging out as the canyon comes between
6/18-loves new england summers
6/23-heard Midnight Train on the radio on my way to work and it made me think of Bourbon Street...missing my NOLA friends!
6/27-steamed clams and lobster. summer has begun.
8/14-I wonder what it means when you dream about being tired...
8/18-is thinking about the milestones you don't achieve
8/24-is hungry for the first time in 36 weeks...what an interesting feeling
8/30-is thinking Morning Edition on NPR needs to find some more news to report...some guy from Wisconsin who decided to move to hollywood to find success but didn't doesn't really seem like news...at all...
9/19-couldn't ask for anything more then she has right now
11/25-is thankful for friends old and new and my wonderful family. go pats!
12/6-misses her boys
12/10-realized this morning that her only response to there being no hot water is to call the landlord...not very effective when you own the house
12/15-Knows how lucky she is...and is very grateful
12/20-you are the best thing that's ever been mine
12/21-Would like to give a shout out to the state of Massachusetts for contributing to her 5 hour drive home last night...I mean it's not like they get snow that often...so it's no surprise they don't have plows or sand trucks right?
12/26-Amazing Christmas...amazing family...amazing friends...so very happy
12/30-Can't wait for a 3 day weekend with her boys

Sounds of the Past

2011-01-19T10:31:00.002-05:00

How long has it been now since I have heard the sound of my heels echoing down the metal ramps of the schools trailers. Since I have pushed open heavy metal doors to have meet air so humid, so thick that it would stop me in my tracks. Since I have walked down a hallway full of young men on the brink of becoming.

So much change so quickly. So much started and stopped and started again. So many places we can never return to. Important to remember that just because there are some places we can return to doesn't mean we should.

And I miss...sunrises over the Mississippi River, the sound of Jazz music on Royal Street, mornings on Bourbon Street, Cafe Ole and beignets, Miller McCoy, my boys, Jackie and Ben, Monica, all my TeachNola friends, daiquiris to go, Fritzels, Uncle Barry, drinking on the railroad tracks and sharing one large chair with Huey.

I hold onto the sound of my heals. The smell of the humid morning air. The city that played an integral role in my healing. The year that forever changed me for the better.

Time to Test the Theory

2011-01-10T17:49:00.002-05:00

As one of my New Years Projects (remember no resolutions for me this year...they just end in, well, failure). Which is a nice segway into this project. Since I now have what seems like extra time on my hands (really it's just trapped time)...as I spend 9+ hours on a train each week in nice 2 1/2 hour blocks...I have decided it is time to take my theory on failure and test it.

This is where you loyal blog readers can help. This link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/P8KZW6F will ask you 10 questions about failure. Your answers will help me further formulate my theory...and I promise to share some of those results here with you!

Also...I just noticed my title is 5 words all starting with T. Totally unintentional on my part. I wonder if you could write a paragraph with just words that started with T? Or a page? Perhaps that will be next years New Years Project...

New Year, New Thoughts

2010-12-30T10:48:00.007-05:00

The fact that 2010 is almost over continues to amaze me. The last year has brought so much change and been so wonderful its conclusion has me both excited and apprehensive for what 2011 will bring.

I moved from New Orleans to Maine in June, my son was born in September and my baby daddy proposed in December. It has been a whirlwind and I have loved every moment of it. I end the year so grateful for all I have and so hopeful for what is to come.

Speaking of that, as I gave up New Years Resolutions long ago, this year I have decided to implement New Years Projects. Instead of swearing off sugar or pretending I will lose the last 10 pounds I want to I will be engaging in two projects in 2011 (in addition to planning a wedding and raising a very active 3 1/2 month old).

The first you will see here on this blog. I am developing a survey to test my theory on failure and with the help of you (all 3 of you who read this) I hope to see if I am heading in the right direction...and then try to publish my findings and their applicability in the business world.

The second you can find here: http://www.icantcometothephone.blogspot.com/. Here I am challenging myself to write a micro story each day inspired by one of my Facebook friends status updates. Don't worry I don't plan on writing about any of them...I am just going to use their words as inspiration. And as part of this I am challenging you loyal readers (all 3 of you) to play along...post your own micro stories...or add to one of mine.

Anyway, whether you have resolutions or projects for 2011 or not. I want to thank all of you who make my life wonderful and challenging and amazing everyday. Without you I would not be where I am today. And where I am, is finally, where I want to be.

Much luck in 2011!

Promising Public Happiness

2010-08-31T19:20:00.002-04:00

The Foursquare website told me today that "happiness was just around the corner" when I watched their video to see how their website worked. And it got me thinking about the old saying "if a tree falls in the woods and there is no one their to hear it does it make a sound?"

It seems like a more updated version of this today would be to say: "if I experience happiness and I don’t tell anyone did I really experience happiness?"

If I don’t Tweet it or blog it or Facebook it or Foursquare it or Gmail chat it or whatever it is I’m doing did I really experience that moment of happiness?

Is it possible anymore to just experience happiness on our own or are we so tied into social networking and social media and the need to constantly communicate with everyone we know about where we are and what we are doing that our happiness is someone how tied to our ability to share it. What about unhappiness? Can that still be experienced alone...or does it also have to enter a public forum before it can become real?

Defining Failure

2010-08-19T13:15:00.002-04:00

I posted on Facebook yesterday: "Meleena is thinking about the milestones you don't achieve." And got two responses from friends...one said: "you mean like when i didn't run my first marathon?" and the second said: " or I didn't sleep with keanu reeves yet?"

And as so many things do these days it got me thinking about how we define failure. If we tried to run the marathon but only got to mile 5 is that failure? Or if we have always wanted to run the marathon, but never tried, always assuming it was out of our reach is that failure? Are they both?

We wouldn't say a couple who never tried to have children "failed to have them". But we might say that someone who never visited Paris "failed to see the Eiffel Tower".

I think we can break failure down into two distinct categories. Active failure, i.e. I went to Keanue Reeves home every day for 6 months but failed to sleep with him. And passive failure i.e. despite always wanting to sleep with Keanue Reeves I never even tried to meet him.

So if my life is more defined by my failures then my successes...and I believe it is...should I look at these two types of failures differently? And maybe more importantly can we always tell the difference between them?

A Construct of our Failures

2010-08-18T12:20:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking a lot since I moved back north about how we recognize the milestones we DON'T reach. The job not gotten, the course not completed, the relationship ending. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that our lives are far more a construct of our failures then our successes.

When I first articulated this to Huey he put his head in his hands and said "oh Pookey..." in a sad voice. He had asked me why I was once again re-reading a Jodi Piccoult book, an author who, while I own everything she has ever written I don't like. And I had told him I was reading it because it reminded me of the failure in my own life to become a writer - and maybe it was that failure in addition to the many other that define me today. I had not meant it as a flashback to unhappy teen years, or that I was disappointed in how my life had turned out. Simply that the failures I have experienced, and, despite wanting to think otherwise, they have been many, have done more to shape me than the successes had.

We get a promotion and go out for a drink to celebrate, take on the new responsibilty, work longer hours, spend more time away from our friends and family, make more money and call it a success. We lose our job due to downsizing, are unemployed for 6 months, rack up credit card debt, put a strain on our marriage, spend more time watching our kids play baseball, become an expert in something that used to be a hobby, find our life more meaningful then ever before and call it a failure.

This isn't about blind optimism and it's not about seeing a silver lining on clouds. It's about taking a good look at who we are, who we were and who we want to be and recognizing that sometimes we need to fail in order to get where we want to go.

Huey came around to my way of thinking when it occurred to him that even our relationship was the result of a series of failures in both of our lives...had either of us not experienced even one, we never would have met and today would look very different.

So how do we measure the milestones we don't reach? By remembering them, and by recognizing what we have gained or learned in our failure to reach them. My life is a construct of my failures...and I feel pretty good about that.

The Last Days

2010-05-17T19:08:00.002-04:00

Less then two weeks remain in NOLA. There is always a business that takes over the waining days you have in a place. And while there is so much to look forward to, there is also so much I will miss. The undertone of this - the compare and contrast if you will - is that while I spend my final days in NOLA one of my brothers oldest friends is spending the final days of his life. After a heroic battle with cancer that has dictated his life for the past 18 months he has been admitted to hospice and well...

I wish my students could have met this young man. Who faced every challenge in his life as an opportunity, saw the good in all those around him and while I didn't always understand the decisions he made, lived the life he chose for himself to the fullest. He has spent the last 18 months since his diagnosis surrounded by people who love him. Engaging in the things he was passionate about and not wasting one day. I have said often over the past 18 months that while his illness is tragic, he has been lucky to have had the chance so many of us never do. To truly live his life...and the real amazing thing about this young man is that he did that even before he knew it would be cut short.

I want my boys here in NOLA who see death everyday through violence and drugs to understand that we always do have choices about the way we chose to live - even if don't get to make them about the way we die. That hopes and dreams can survive and be made into realities even when it seems like the world has dealt us a bad hand.

When we first found out he was sick I had already made my decision to leave Boston, but his illness served as a reminder that we really do have to make the best of each day. Even when they are full of work and stress and deadlines and it all starts to feel like we just have to get through it so we can get on to the next thing. Life is the getting through it. It took me 30 years and moving across the country to see that. To slow down. To not let future plans good and bad take away from the here and now.

So I may only have 11 days left in NOLA. And they may be full days full of meetings and packing and friends and students. But I never get them again and so I will hold on to each of them as they pass...enjoy my students - even when I want to beat them with a belt...enjoy my work - even when the paperwork feels overwhelming and enjoy my friends because while I know I will keep in touch with some, many I only had this year with and despite that short time they made an imprint on me and that is worth staying in the moment for.

My love to everyone back home and here. I am grateful for all days past and for this one. Always for this one.

Heading Home

2010-04-25T14:49:00.002-04:00

The school year is coming to a close here in NOLA. Our high stakes testing is over. The kids did so well, took it so seriously and I can't help but be proud of them. Even though we won't know the results for a few weeks they did their best and that is really all you can ask of anyone.

It's hard to think back to a year ago. I was just telling people I was leaving. Looking for an apartment and planning my new life here in New Orleans. That was just last year. And already so much has changed. I guess the old adage "what a difference a year makes" was said for a reason.

My separation from my ex-husband has yielded a very amicable divorce and as of June 12th our marriage will be formally dissolved by the state of Massachusetts. A year ago I would not have predicted that.

I am heading back to New England for a tour of my future on Tuesday...returning to work at EMI (I am very excited), closing on a beautiful home in Maine with my boyfriend of nine months (also very excited), and spending a weekend with his family to celebrate the marriage of one of his family members.

So I am finally heading home. Back to Maine where I was born and raised and for some time swore I would never return to. But now it feels like the perfect place to start my life again, to raise a family, and to build the community and relationships that I have always looked for. The last year has been an amazing ride, and while NOLA was never a permanent stopping place I couldn't have gotten to where I am now without it. This past year has taught me more about myself, and about the person I want to be then any year previous and I will always be grateful for the city, my school and the wonderful people I met here for helping me to learn that about myself. I'll post some pictures after we close on the house. I can't wait to paint walls, rip up carpet and cut down trees.

I never thought it would feel so good to have identified "home" and to know that is where I am headed.

Defining Dreams

2010-03-31T21:38:00.003-04:00

When I was growing up dreaming was encouraged. As long as your dreams fit into the pre-planned box they were suppose to. Sure when I was 7 I wanted to be the unicorn from the Rainbow Bright series and I don't think anyone had a problem with that - as long as the unicorn went to college and became a veterinarian.

I don't want to make my parents sound like overzealous planners for me. They weren't. No one ever said "you can't". In fact I had parents and relatives who encouraged and supported my plans to become a writer, an actress, a singer, a lawyer. But it was also made clear to me that the path to all these dreams was a good education, a college degree and hard work. It never occurred to me NOT to go to college. And in fact I even went a year early - although more out of the desire to get OUT of Freeport then to actually GO anywhere.

But I think now, as I work with my students in NOLA about what my life would have been like if instead of just assuming college was in my future it was always assumed that it would not be. Would the dreams I had for myself had changed? Would I have found a way to Emerson College (or somewhere else that may have been a better fit) anyway? Or would I have sought out some different path. Maybe less tradition, but maybe that would have brought me a different kind of success.

The last few years have got me thinking a lot about how the dreams we have for ourselves - whether created by us or others - impact the decisions we make. Even as a child of divorce, coming to terms with the end of my own marriage made me feel like a failure. Because one of the dreams I had was to be a good wife and mother and suddenly it felt like a dream I could not achieve. Where did that I dream come from? My own desire to beat the odds after marrying too young? The dreams that other people had for me to achieve what they had (or had not) achieved?

And what of my students? Does my encouragement toward college somehow limit the dreams they have for themselves? Or does it simply provide a new avenue for them to dream about? Where is the line between what we think is the right path and what is the right path become blurred by our own experience, our own dreams. If my daughter came home engaged at 20 like I did would I be able to look beyond my own failed marriage and recognize her dream as independent from my failure? If my students do not do to college can I envision a successful life for them even though the only way I have measured success is though an education?

When we teach our children that they can be anything - even that unicorn from Rainbow Bright - we allow them to explore all who they are. And we must find the balance between support of those dreams, and allowing them to experience their own success and failures. I think some days it's enough that my students see me everyday. That they know I am going to be proud of them regardless of what they become - you know assuming they don't become gang members, drug dealers or incarcerated. But even then, they know that if there was a way to support them, that I would. They know that I see their education as more then what happens in math class or biology. That I seek out ways to engage their dreams and help them find the path they need to make it into a reality.

I gave my 6th graders an assignment yesterday to write and illustrate their own myth. Some students completed the project as quickly as they could. Some poured over the art because in part they liked it better and in part because writing anything is a challenge. Some wrote short stories that were barley myths and showed little effort. But one boy has sat quietly in class for two days and written. At the end of class today he had filled three pages with his story and when I came to collect it at the end of class he told me he wasn't done yet and could he please work on it again tomorrow. When I asked him if he wrote a lot he said with this small smile he had never written like this before. I could see in his face, in his eyes, the creation of some small new dream.

I think in the end that is my job. Create the opportunity for new dreams.

This Week's Thoughts

2010-03-04T19:52:00.004-05:00

There is a tiredness that comes with this job that I have never known. A daily reminder that life is not fair and not just in places like Haiti. That here in this country there is a significant portion of Americans that we have forgotten. Overlooked. That this American city, that just spent weeks in the national spotlight as Mardi Gras and the Saints Superbowl ruled the news remains in disrepair. So for what it's worth here is what has been on my mind this week:

1. inclusion remains a bad idea in our nations schools
2. no matter how many new, well educated (they call us highly qualified) teachers enter the schools of the countries urban and rural poor there needs to be a fundamental shift in how parents, community members and students see education before a change will ever happen
3. when a student hits a teacher they should be expelled. period.
4. we really do over diagnose and over medicate for ADD and ADHD, and no one seems to read the warning labels for putting children as young as 11 on adult dosages of drug like Aderall
4a. one of the most common side effects of being given too much Aderall (as in an adult dose to a child) is paranoia, hearing voices and other mental issues that look a lot like schizophrenia
5. I am growing tired of sleeping in the constant glow of a parking garage
6. I own a cat who sleeps with his tongue hanging out
7. Someday I would like to teach in an actual school building - not a modular trailer
8. I miss MOOO mac and cheese on Fridays, Zen Philadelphia rolls during the week and Capital Coffee House bacon, egg and cheese sandwich's on Saturday morning
9. I love coffee with chicory and beignets and will miss them when I leave NOLA
10. I need to find a new good book
11. I plan to start bringing a camera with me everywhere - this city has so many faces and I feel like I need to start capturing at least a few of them.
12. I am not a morning person
13. I am going to start practicing the piano again

Time moves in circles. Numbers take on importance. 25 days until my students take the key state test. 16 school days until the end of this marking period. 35 school days until my next trip to Boston. 42 days until I turn 31. 22 days since my divorce was final. 1 work day until the weekend. 4 hours until I go to bed. 40 minutes since I ate frozen waffles for dinner. I try to spend more time looking forward then looking back. I guess that the last thought for this week.

15. focus on whats ahead.

A Tangent on Inclusion

2010-02-21T22:47:00.003-05:00

Inclusion is the term we use in education to imply that every student regardless of IQ, physical disability or learning disability should spend as much time as possible (80% or more of their day) in regular education classes.

In theory the idea comes from a good place. By including all children in regular education you allow for socialization with their peers and the opportunity to work "on grade level" in the pursuit of future academic endeavors. I had opinions about it prior to entering the teaching profession but my brief experience in New Orleans has turned my opinions into more informed ones.

While its heart is in the right place, the idea of inclusion hurts students ability to be successful. inclusion tells us that every student should be moving toward the same educational goal - which these days is college. The challenge is that college is not the best end result for many students - special education or not. A student reading on the 3rd grade level is not benefited by sitting through day after day of biology class, in which he can not read the notes on the board and can not complete the independent work because he does not understand what is being taught. More often then not this student excels in other areas where reading does not inhibit them - working on mechanical things, math, or sometimes just an incredible work ethic that will enable them to experience success in their lives.

Rather then trying to fit every child into the same mold, it is time to remove the idea of inclusion and instead focus on the specific needs and talents of our children through trade schools, extensive pullouts to help students overcome deficits and career counseling and training to ensure that once out of high school there is a career path they can follow.

Everyday I am amazed by my 10th grader who can not write a sentence but can re-program my computer while I eat lunch. By my 10th grader who does not understand passages written for a 3rd grader but whose passion and sense of community makes him a better person then I will ever be. By my 9th grader who can not stay awake in science class because he doesn't understand the basic principles but who has the biggest heart and just wants someone to believe that he can be something more then everyone has always assumed he will be.

I teach for these students. To help them reach there goals - even though they are contradictory to the goals of the school and the system in which I teach. It's time we taught the whole student and inclusion does not allow us to do that.

Plans and time

2010-01-16T20:48:00.002-05:00

The school year is more then half way past. I try to relish in the small moments of success my boys experience. Like being awarded "most improved student" for bringing grades up from F's to B's & C's and listening to one of my students talk about his dream of becoming a fireman and his excitement over having his drivers license. I try to focus away from the negative. The boys I can't reach no matter what I do. The ones who can not articulate what they plan to do after high school because they never thought about it.

My time in New Orleans has been so extreme. Torn between a job that is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, and new friendships and relationships that bring such joy and excitement about the future. This job will eat your insides if you let it. It is so easy to be consumed with what you can NOT do that you can easily forget what you are doing. Just by showing up. Everyday. Because they notice when you don't.

Time creeps along...and I am caught trying to make sure that making plans for the future does not happen at the cost of the present. That excitement for what is to come does not mean I miss moments to enjoy now. That the chance for failure does not become more likely then the chance for success. I find peace in quiet moments, like watching the Saints school the Cardinals in a playoff game, learning new definitions to words (like down here "excuse" means "get out of my way" not "pardon me") learning to cook Cajun style and making plans for what is next. If you've read up to this point you know I love big reveals...

Until next time, may you all be Gucci.

What a Difference a Year Makes

2009-12-31T20:01:00.002-05:00

Just got back from a northeast tour that reminded me sometimes you have to leave home to be reminded of where it is. Great time spent in Maine with the family, in Boston with friends and in Pennsylvania meeting a whole new group of family and friends.

Last year New Orleans was just an idea, a figment of a plan and now as we are about to ring in 2010 I am going to do so in this adopted city. Where people have been drinking since last night and at midnight tonight the city will gather around a giant gumbo pot and watch it drop. Yeah you read right. Here we don't watch a ball drop. We watch a gumbo pot drop. Oh Yes.

Last year I spent New Years watching MTV's countdown alone in my apartment in Beacon Hill. Playing Wordmole on my Blackberry and trying to answer the always challenging question - how did this become my life? I find myself faced with the same question this year. Except instead of asking it because everything is in pieces at my feet I pose it out of a place of simple awe and gratitude. I feel so lucky for this year, for all the good and the bad because they led me here. To a new town, a new profession, a new group of wonderful friends who compliment, not replace my old friends and my boy. Who saw me when I couldn't even see myself and who loved me in spite of myself.

I don't make resolutions and I got out of the prediction game along time ago. So right now I am just going to be thankful. For my life, my health, my family, my friends new and old, my cats, my job, for all the opportunities that lay ahead and for Huey.

Happy New Year!

It's the Holidays...

2009-12-13T10:10:00.002-05:00

Why do people put Christmas lights on Palm Trees? I feel like I am living in a Jimmy Buffet song.

A big upside to living in the south though...nobody is politically correct enough to say "Happy Holidays" so everyone just walks around saying Merry Christmas. There is something liberating about that kind of stubbornness. While the rest of the world worries that the holiday cards they buy might somehow offend someone, people in NOLA seem perfectly content to assume everyone celebrates Christmas.

It has finally gotten cold here. Some mornings it has even been in the low 40s. I know I know. Not really cold. But because of the humidity, the cold here permeates your bones. Its as if once you get cold you can not seem to warm up. The kids try to sneak sweatshirts and mittens on under their uniforms, the teachers don't take their coats off. The mobile classrooms have holes in floors that keep a constant flow of cold air that fights the already struggling heating system for control.

4 school days left till winter break. 4 school days and one day of professional development until winter break. Even though there is SO much to do before I come home, it feels good to be almost there. So Happy Holidays all! From my Palm Tree to yours..."may your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmas' be white...."

Thanksgiving 2009 As Told Per Status Updates

2009-11-28T13:33:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving has once again come and gone. This year I used the break to clean up the mess I left behind in Boston. Rather then relive it and type it here, I have included my status updates to document the holiday. Thanks to mom and Rob for a great Thanksgiving and the storage space in their basement. To Dierdre for helping me move out (again). To Cami, Paul and everyone at EMI who made it feel like coming home instead of coming for a visit. And to my brother. Who sat with me at the court house, went with me to rent the truck, did more then his share of moving my stuff and kept me laughing.

11/24 (2:15pm) - Getting ready to go back north...and wishing she could just sit on her ass down here instead...

11/24 (6:06pm) - Traffic. long term parking. no first class on the first leg. but thanks to Jen for keeping me company remotely! Charlotte NC here I come.

11/24 (8:41pm) - In Charlotte. Amazing how I get angrier as I get closer to Boston.

11/24 (11:23pm) - In Boston. Cab driver didn't try to rip me off. Still want to throw up. Maybe morning will be better.

11/25 (5:25am) - Nope.

11/25 (6:15am) - Outside 63 Mt Vernon. that is all.

11/25 (7:21am) - Feels like someone coming home from war to find the Yankees raided her house. or I've been watching too much Gone with the Wind.

11/25 (10:42am) - Thank you EMI! and thank you Edward. the best brother ever.

11/25 (12:11pm) - Meleena is filing for divorce.

11/25 (2:59pm) - Packing the Penske. Again. Thank you Edward and Deirdre. Again.

11/25 (7:54pm) - Parent's house. steak. fire. wine. good end to a long day.

11/27 (11:44am) - Headed home. good turkey. great people. thanks to all who made a hard trip fun and enjoyable!

11/27 (4:35pm) - Last leg of the trip. wish you were going to be there when I got home.

You Can't Go Home Again

2009-11-23T21:50:00.002-05:00

Well maybe you can...but it's never the same. As the countdown clock ticks down to my first trip North since leaving last May, I feel as though I am going to a foreign place, instead of to a place I lived for 13 years.

New Orleans has so quickly become home. The city, the language (yes it is different here), the job, the weather, the people.

I am much delayed in posting photos and of talking about my job. It sometimes feels like there is so much to say that it is silly to post it all and so little to say since what seems so "new" to me is just life for the people that are from here.

I will try to use the upcoming (brief) break - ok the plane rides (all four of them in 3 days) to write up some of the more interesting anecdotes...but will start with this one as a set-up. The kids here (teenagers really) have a very unique set of slang and jargon that they use all the time. It is often hard to tell if they are mocking you, insulting you or just talking to you...for example, if you ask someone how they are they are likely to respond "I'm Gucci".

So after getting to know some of my new 10th grade students I asked one of them what some of the words meant. In addition to being entertained at the idea of getting to explain all of his slang to his teacher he also said the following comment:
"Alright Ms. Eaton, I'll make you a deal. You teach me how to read and I'll be your Hood Dictionary."

My very own Hood Dictionary...I am a lucky girl...

Round the Rampant Rugged Rocks...

2009-10-07T21:36:00.002-04:00

Fall break is upon us. Unit 1 is in the books and Unit 2 is underway. Time is picking up speed. Lesson plans, IEPs, parent conferences, training, students, oil changes, grocery shopping. I am grateful I am a multitasker. Grateful to be surrounded by people who understand what I am dealing with everyday.

We launched a new reading program at school this week. So far it is off to a great start. we have already helped two kids raise their reading level by one full grade level. If we keep up this pace we will have everyone close to grade level by the end of the year.

Had a great time with my friend Deirdre a few weeks ago when she came down to the Big Easy. We balanced some touristy things with just hanging out and it was so good to have a piece of home down here.

The city continues to amaze me. The streets, the people, the food. So much still to be explored. To be learned.

I have 4 days off this weekend. I am not sure what I am going to do with myself. Except I know I am going to get a cat. So many animals here have been and continue to be abandoned. It is the least I can do on that front.

My best wishes to everyone...I miss you all...

Ode to Labor Day

2009-09-06T11:29:00.005-04:00

As many of you know I have for years (well since 1997 anyway) kept a book of quotes and poems and ads and articles that I thought were interesting or funny or thought provoking. A few years ago an editorial ran in the New York Times that has stuck with me and I think would have even if I hadn't written it down. I don't know who wrote it, but it is below. May this year will be the year.

New York Times editorial
September 4, 2006

So August was busier then you meant it to be and September is already overbooked and spilling into October.

It's not too early to buy plane tickets home for Thanksgiving and whose turn is it to have Christmas anyway?

Meanwhile there is today, Labor Day. It isn't much except of course, that it's everything.

Perhaps this will be the Monday that refuses to admit the existence of Tuesday.

This City

2009-09-06T11:23:00.002-04:00

So things have been hectic - work is busy and learning to wake up at 5am is a hard lesson at my age! The city is in full swing however. Mid-summer Mardi Gras was last weekend and let me just say if it is any indication of what we are in for in February best to strap in now and start looking for a costume...or at least some body paint and glitter as that seems to be the costume of choice.

This weekend is Summer Decadence which is basically the gay Mardi Gras which would have been cooler to experience if I had known that was going on. Instead I just spent most of yesterday afternoon being confused about the number of shirtless men in assless chaps. It's always something in this town I tell you.

Time is moving faster now, with each day marked with the sound of my heals walking down the metal ramp of the Middle School's trailer on my way to the cafeteria to oversee 200 6th and 7th graders eat eggs and tator tots and some sort of weird biscuit with meat cooked inside. The sun has only been up for an hour or so and the morning air is starting to feel cool. The summer feels like eons ago and as another Labor Day passes by I am filled with regret for all the days and months I wished away. For all the time I wasted. Not anymore.

Bow Ties and Haikus

2009-08-07T17:01:00.002-04:00

Great week. Just great! We had all of our new students for orientation this week at school. 33 new 7th graders (with another 90 or so joining on 8/17). We got them acclimated to the school culture, taught them the schools core value and got to know them.

I taught them how to write Haiku's and have been blown away by the thoughtfulness and eagerness with which they approached an activity I had expected them to reject outright. 7th grade boys writing poetry right? But in between the Haiku's about video games and Pizza Hut (which were pretty good in their own right) were some amazing ones full of imagery and emotion. It made me feel lucky to have the opportunity to teach them.

Today we had our tie ceremony where all of the students receive the ties that are part of their uniforms. One of our school leaders gave a wonderful speech about the importance of the ties and what they symbolized and then the teachers helped all the students to put on their bow ties. What an amazing 1/2 hour. These boys who all walked into school Monday with this tough exterior were humbled by the prospect of putting on a tie. We got to witnessed the beginning of their transformation into the men that they are starting to believe they can become.

Oh and nothing is cuter then 7th graders in bow ties. Seriously. Nothing. And I owned a bunny once.

Next week we have more professional development and then school starts on 8/17...Here is hoping for a weekend with plenty of time to relax, hang out with friends and make plans about what is to come. I never doubted that I made the right choice in coming here. But it was this week that I finally got to experience why.

Running on Empty...

2009-07-31T19:53:00.003-04:00

But at least I'm running. no really actually running. again.

A result of the great people around me, their constant inspiration and kind words and of course modeling good behavior (there is my one shot out to TeachNOLA for this email.)

Had a great (busy) week with professional development at school. We have been getting acclimated to the school culture, learning about their assessments and plans for the year and decorating our classrooms. I have provided a photo below that is my reading corner...it is still missing 2 beanbags but I am really happy how it came out!

The new students join us next week for orientation and then everyone starts on August 17th so there is a little more time to prepare and get everything ready to go. i feel really lucky to be at such a great supportive school, as a new teacher I couldn't have hoped for anything better.

So with the first week in the bag, I am looking forward to a fun (busy) weekend with friends, finishing my classroom, lesson planning and doing all the start up work for my debate team! love to everyone!

It Begins

2009-07-25T19:53:00.002-04:00

Busy week! The students don't arrive for a while still but there is a library to assemble and catalog, a debate team to organize and lesson plans and lesson plans and lesson plans.

I feel very lucky to have so many friends in NOLA who are all going through the same stuff as me right now. It is awesome to be able to share experiences, challenges and successes with people.

I am bummed that I won't be able to make it up north before the school year starts but will be back soon enough. This new place, new job, new everything has been so good for me...I found the cross on Bourbon Street last night...it looks like "Christ climbed down" but unlike in the Ferlinghetti poem I think instead of slipping off into "some anonymous Mary's womb" he might have wondered into a strip club...

Being Tourist in My New Home Town

2009-07-20T22:03:00.002-04:00

Had a great weekend! Martha, Larry, Laura and Colleen came down to the Big Easy and gave me a great opportunity to be a tourist in my new home town.

We had a great time eating Beignets at Cafe Du Monde, walking around the quarter and eating lots of good Cajun food.

While there have been lots of little things I have been doing over the last few days, it feels really nice to have a little down time before school starts. Official meetings start tomorrow when I will meet with my literacy team and pick books for the upcoming year. I am very excited to have the opportunity to play a real role in the curriculum development of my students!

Had a great day today walking around the city with a friend and drinking wine at Fritzels...am thinking cheese steak and daiquiris to go for dinner...I really love this town!

Part 1: Complete

2009-07-13T17:32:00.002-04:00

We finished institute today! It feels so good to be preparing for the next stage of my life down here...actually teaching kids!

Our official graduation is on Wednesday but no more classes, books, teachers dirty looks...It has been a great experience so far. Much has been learned and the people I have met, just wow. I never thought I would be lucky enough to be surrounded by such kind, smart, generous people. I feel very lucky to have been chosen for this program.

I start school on the 22nd. We will spend sometime getting the school ready for the new year and then then have a week of training before we are joined by the kids on August 3rd. There is much to be done, but somehow I don't mind doing any of it. No, really what I mean is that I am enjoying doing all of it. What a change from my life in Boston.

I ran into the devil on Bourbon Street the other night and he smiled at me. My friend turned to me and said "its the only place in the world where sinners can be saints." I think he is right, and dare I say it, I think I am home...

The Way It Was

2009-07-04T22:31:00.005-04:00

With my mom in town I ventured outside of NOLA to visit some of the plantations from the 1800's. It is amazing how flat the land is here and once outside of the city how much of the land is still occupied with acres and acres of sugar cane crop.

We started our day at the Laura Plantation, an old Creole Plantation that was run by several generations of Creole women - something that was not uncommon in the Creole culture, but was certainly an oddity of the time amongst the Americans who did business with them.

The land was comprised of the main house (shown at the right), several gardens both for flowers as well as crops for the workers and house owners to eat from, slave quarters and acres of land that needed harvesting. While only 2 slave quarters remained, when the plantation was running there were 3 miles of salve quarters, each measuring only 16 feet by 16 feet and housing 4-5 people.

While no longer housing slaves, the old slave quarters were inhabited by residents until the early 1970's.

After the Laura Plantation we headed over to Oak Alley a more traditional "American Plantation" where we had a wonderful lunch of Po' Boys and Gumbo.

Overall a very insightful and fun trip out of the city...even though it was really really hot!

It just gets better

2009-06-26T19:29:00.004-04:00

Today I had my second Snowball - raspberry flavored this time. Photo is below. They are so tasty...shaved ice and flavored syrup! Nothing better on a hot day, and every day is a hot day here.

I went shopping after class with a new friend and after finding maybe the cutest best clothing store in uptown we headed out to find me a car. On the way I happened to mention i had never had a Beignet and so after a short trip down a one way street we bought three for $1.65. Picture friend dough but SOOOO much better. Wow.

We made it to the car dealership eventually and test drove a Prius...so not for me...I mean 1. if i am going to spend that kind of cash on a car I am buying a Benz and 2. I really don't want to save the environment. You all know why :). I am going to head back tomorrow and pick me up a little Yaris. Supper cute, wicked cheap and perfect for city driving!

I also learned some new jargon today:

messy: gosspier

"can't hold water on her chest": can't keep a secret

OMG: oh my god (duh) but used down here exclusively in replacement of oh my god because people are so religious here. it is pretty funny to hear all sorts of people seeing stuff and going "OMG"! hard to explain but totally hysterical!

Anyway, I'm out...I'll post some photos of my new car once I buy it tomorrow! Much love to everyone.

The things I have done

2009-06-25T19:44:00.003-04:00

So this past week has been great. Work has been busy but I have been having a great time. his is such an amazing city. Full of great little restaurants and shops and nice people. This past week I have:

1. Eaten my first snowball. A yummy New Orleans snack that comes in like a million flavors. I had coconut and it totally lived up to the hype.
2. Ate fried chicken that was purchased at a corner store - no not like The Corner Store. It is just a purple corner store that sells fried chicken out of the back. It was incredible. And it hasn't made me sick yet! Go me for eating food prepared out of a corner store with no apparent kitchen!
3. Discovered (with the help of friends) several new restaurants and wine bars - including one that sells wine by the ounce, so you can try all sorts of wines in one sitting and compare and contrast- very fun
4. Ate the best, most authentic crepe that I have had since I was in Paris in 2000. OMG, I am still thinking about it it was so good
5. Stopped on the side of the road in the pouring rain and ran out of a car with a friend to by sugar candy from a street vendor called Royal Candy. We got soaked but it was worth it!

I am just keppin on keepin on...haven't yet figure out how to authentically work y'all into my day to day speech but I am working on it!

Being Present

2009-06-20T11:32:00.002-04:00

So the really interesting thing about New Orleans is that everyone is ridiculously present. There isn't the planning that goes on in Boston. People don't think much about what is happening next until next happens. There is something really relaxing and calm about the city and the people.

Work is busy. I spend my mornings teaching and then have a short break and then am in class all afternoon. By the time I get home, finish lesson planning for the next day and eat dinner it's almost time to go to bed. Normally being that busy would make time feel like it is flying by...but here, it doesn't feel that way. I know I have only been here for about two weeks. Only left Boston 3 weeks ago...but it feels like a lifetime ago.

New Orleans isn't home yet. But without meaning to I think I found the place that allows me to just enjoy today...and not get caught up in the "what's next" thinking that has plagued me my whole life.

My New Career

2009-06-14T18:57:00.002-04:00

So training is underway. I am practice teaching in the morning and then in class in the afternoon. I am surrounded by talented educators and people like me who have come from a variety of backgrounds and are all committed to making a difference for the children of New Orleans.

I have also secured a job as a 7th grade English teacher which I am very excited about. The school runs 6-12 grade and I will have the chance to help them get a debate team off the ground and participate in other student activities if I choose.

The city continues to be a learning experience for me. It is so hot here, which is an adjustment and people are very warm (also an adjustment from Boston). The French Quarter is brimming with tourists all the time and i have yet to find replacements for my go to restaurants in Boston...I am so missing the Mooo mac and cheese right now...I know I have only been gone for 2 weeks but it feels like forever. It feels like EMI and Boston and all that was like my life 10 years ago, which I guess is a good thing.

I want to thank all my friends and family who I have heard from since I left. While I am excited to be a new place, meeting new people there is no replacement for old, good friends...so thank you!

So you can totally drink on the street here

2009-06-08T18:49:00.003-04:00

So I am moved in, something I couldn't have done without the support of my wonderful little brother...I mean who else was going to carry to TV and put together my furniture? The photos I have posted here show my new place in progress, once I get rid of the rest of the boxes I will take some better ones.

This city is incredible. Edward likened it to being the last stop before Hell and I think he may be right. It is as though everyone looking for an excuse to forget themselves descends on Bourbon Street. Live music, plenty of "gentleman clubs" and drinking everywhere, oh and gambling.

I went to a job fair today and met with all sorts of schools. There were some good prospects from my perspective and hopefully one or two of them liked me to. It is hard not knowing where I will be teaching but I have some time still. The Institute starts tomorrow and then I will have the chance to meet all the people I will be working with all summer. Hopefully at least a couple of them are cool.

Thanks to all of you who have Facebooked, emailed, texted and written. It is always nice to hear from friends when you are so far away.

On Top of the World and A Penske Truck

2009-06-06T13:11:00.003-04:00

Tuesday June 2

So Pensacola Beach, not that easy to find, and even though the Target we stopped at was only 5 blocks from the bridge that takes one there, the employees (and we asked several of them) were unable to tell us how to get there. Truly bazaar.
It took two gas stations and a helpful local before we found our way but wow. So worth it. It’s like a giant sand bar shaped like a plus sign. Edward and I debated for a while about where we should spend the night, with him advocating for the top of the Penske truck and me for a hotel.
After climbing on top of the Penske truck and learning how unstable it was he changed his argument to the beach. He lost. Off to the most expensive Hampton Inn I have ever stayed at, Peg Leg Pete’s for dinner and then a late night swim in the Atlantic.

Georgia on My Mind

2009-06-04T21:30:00.001-04:00

Monday June 1st

Savannah may be one of the coolest places I have been to. Edward and I arrived just before sunset and thanks to the very kind (and well tipped) valet we were allowed to park our Penske truck right out front of the hotel in their cab stand.

The city itself feels mysterious, historical and calm. You can’t help but slow down as you walk and take in the iron work, stairs carved into the sides of buildings and random other architectural details that make the city to unique place it is.

We had a great dinner, talked to the folks and headed to bed around 11pm with dreams of Pensacola Beach and a shopping trip to Target in our heads.

We got up early and explored the neighborhoods of the city in detail. We found a great diner for breakfast that was reminisent of the Franklin Trading Post, an old childhood haunt of Edward and I's.

We were on the road by 10am with hopes of finding ourselves on a white sand beach by sunset...

Counting the Cars on the New Jersey Turnpike

2009-06-04T11:55:00.003-04:00

Sunday May 31st

After a great breakfast with the family (Rob, mom and Edward) at Moo...

and a stressful time at Penske we finally got to the house with our 16 foot (not 12 foot as was promised by the Penske people) truck.

With the help of my parents and brother along with friends Chuck, Deirdre and Joe we had the rental truck packed in about an hour.

Edward and I were off. An ambitious goal of making it to Woodbridge Virginia that night lay ahead of us. A location I had strategically chosen because of an Ikea location, and Edward was excited about because it got us through the Beltway during a non- rush hour time.

Edward fell asleep somewhere near Baltimore but with the help of some Red Bull we powered through and after a few precarious u-turns in our 16 foot truck we found a comfy place to crash for the night.

Our Monday morning Ikea trip was successful and since it turned out that all my stuff only filled like ¼ of a 16 foot Penske truck we had plenty of room for the furniture we bought. With the truck fully packed we headed on down to Georgia…

Goodbye EMI

2009-05-27T20:52:00.002-04:00

Just two days left of work. The company threw me a really nice going away event last night. Full of laughs, embarrassing toasts and plenty of wine. It's hard to believe I have been there for six years, and in some ways it is hard to imagine not ever going back. My work has defined me for so long. In many ways EMI was the only way I defined myself. Now as I head toward another career that in many ways will be just as encompassing it feels weird. I had come to embrace this idea of being an urban professional. Now I am something different, still urban, and still a professional, but now also a teacher.

It's time to go, it feels like the right time, but I will miss the people, the clients, the work, the office and even the bad days. I have grown a lot and I think the company has played a role in helping me to become the person I am today - for better or for worse.

So goodbye EMI. It's been real, and its been fun...and now its time to move on to the next thing!

A real barbecue

2009-05-24T18:45:00.002-04:00

Thank you to my good friend Jen who hosted a rockin' "real" barbecue yesterday at her awesome home. There is no better way to kick off summer then good friends, good hot dogs and all the trimmings. It was great to see people before I head out.

One of the hardest parts of leaving is all the cool people I am leaving behind. I know friendships transcend distance but distance still changes them. So many thanks to Jen for hosting...it was great to chill out in your backyard, watch the kids kill the pinata and enjoy the easy conversation that can only occur between friends.

I ended the day with a great sushi dinner with my dear friend Chuck...great food, great company and a great Lakers playoff game on the TV. I am trying to absorb (word chosen since I couldn't figure out how to spell soke?sook? whatever) as many good moments and create as many good memories as I can. Even though there are many things I am eager to leave behind in Boston, there is much I want to take with me.

Leaving on a jet plane

2009-05-20T15:30:00.002-04:00

Or in a Penske truck. Same difference.

I leave for New Orleans on May 31st. My little brother and I are going to road trip it down there. Thinking of going coastal and staying on 95 as much as possible. I have yet to secure an apartment but have a few good leads and I am trusting in the universe that all will be well. I'll have a little less then a week to get settled in and hang out before I start training on June 9th.

I have to remember with this whole blog thing that anyone who chooses to read it can not also read my thoughts so I will take just a moment to back-up.

I am moving to New Orleans to become a high school teacher. The program I am working with will provide me training and job finding assistance over the summer and then starting in August/September I will be a real official teacher! Why New Orleans you may ask? Aren't you a pretentious east coast snob who gets mad when people don't walk fast enough? The answer to that is yes, I am. But I'm not very happy about it. Hence why New Orleans. I am looking for a change of pace, a change of life-style and the opportunity to positively impact a community that has gone through some bad times - and honestly Beacon Hill just wasn't qualifying as struggling just because of the rat problem.

I am excited to meet new people, try a new career and live in a new city. But I am also sad to leave behind friends and family I love, a job that was custom made for me and the city I have called home for 13 years.

I started this blog awhile ago not sure what to do with it...something I think is apparent in my early posts...but I am going to make an effort to use this blog to document my experiences in New Orleans, and my attempted transition from an uptight, pretentious north east professional into a laid-back, less stressed southern teacher. We'll see how it goes...

Its All Been Done...

2009-05-12T14:30:00.004-04:00

Parents have been told. Notice has been given at work. Countdown to leaving Boston is on. I know, and I know more each day as I pack boxes and say good bye to friends and family that this part of my life is done. The life where I live as a upper class wife in Beacon Hill and drive a Mercedes and use pretension like a shield is over. It is real. It is really happening and almost everybody knows. Like the song I fell in love with when I first heard it in Pump Up The Volume (please watch if you have not as of yet) "everybody knows the boat is sinking, everybody knows the captain lied."

Once I know where I will be I will make this blog live by connecting it to something. I don't know if people will read it or not but it will be my humble attempt to stay in touch - as one sided as it is - to everyone I am leaving behind.

Turning 30

2009-04-09T11:12:00.002-04:00

I turn 30 next week. I hadn't thought much about it, expect that people keep asking me if I am OK with it. It seems to me that I don't have much option but to be OK with it. I can't go back and re-do my twenties, even though some days I think I would like to. And I can't jump ahead and be turning 33, a birthday when no one asks you if you are "OK with it", skipping the next 3 years, even though some days I think I would like to.

So am I OK with it? I honestly don't know. I guess it kind of depends on how everything shakes out. Maybe it is better to ask me how I felt about turning 30 when I am about to turn 31.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part...

2009-03-31T14:33:00.002-04:00

I was saying goodbye to my 3 1/2 year old niece on Sunday and when I told her I would see her three weeks she said: "Aunty that is too long."

I had forgotten how our perception of time changes. When we are young we are always in a rush to get to the next thing, or at least I was, and then as I got older, I tried to focus more on where I was right now, even as time pushed me forward into the unknown. Now as I face down turning 30, all the while waiting to hear about where I will be moving on June 1st, I feel like a kid again. Like time won't move fast enough, that having to wait two whole weeks to hear something feels like an eternity. And yet June 1st represents such an ending, such a change that I am also trying to hold onto time. Capture each walk home, each glimpse of the city, each night out with friends, each moment dancing with my niece, each moment laughing with my husband and hold onto it.

By the time I see her again I will have to tell her I am leaving. Tell her it will be awhile until she sees me again. I will promise to write her letters and send her presents and only love her more each day. But it won't be the same ever again, and even at 3 1/2 she will know that. And it breaks my heart all over again.

Fun in the Suburbs

2009-03-28T14:42:00.003-04:00

Took a trip to West Bridgewater last night. Even the people there from other suburbs called it "the stix". A friend of mine's brother plays in a great cover band called Road Soda and they played at the Charlie Horse. We had a great time, good music, good friends. It had been a while since I had been a live show and I forgot how much fun they can be.

It was a treat to get out of the city and try to put everything behind me, even if it was just for a night. I havn't told people I am leaving yet, so as everyone talks about plans for the summer and stuff that is coming up it all feels very phoney. It sometimes feels like a lot of work to be around people.

Leaving Defined

2009-03-27T15:42:00.002-04:00

The word itself has been making me think. Leaving. Merriam Webster tells me it is from
Old High German "verleiben" to leave and Old English "belīfan" to be left over. They both feel right.

Leaving means both departing and remaining. When words have multiple means we usually take the one closest to what we meant and stick with that. But this time I am embracing both definitions. I am leaving but part of me will be left behind. The contradiction of the word feels appropriate this time.

Leaving New England

2009-03-26T13:05:00.003-04:00

I have lived here all my life. Grew up in Maine, moved the Boston for college in 96' and never left. Every year there is at least one day in the middle of the winter when I think "this is my last winter in Boston." I can not imagine spending one more frozen, dirty, angry winter here. But it is home. And so it is with great trepidation, fear, hesitancy and heartbreak that I have decided to leave. Destination TBD, but I know it will be somewhere warm, even though I hate the heat almost as much as I hate the cold.

Since deciding the leave I have found myself enjoying winter more this year. Walking the streets of Beacon Hill and really noticing what a unique and amazing neighborhood it is. How snow clings to the gas lanterns and kids and dogs and college students and adults all seem to come together to tie red bows around trees for the holiday season and go sledding and skating on the Boston Common. Time goes by so fast and now as the winter skies turn to a hopeful spring, the decision to leave has become all the more real. A countdown has been set. It is time to start packing bags, wrapping plates and mugs to protect them during the long journey, and take stock in what I am leaving behind - because as usually it is far more then hard winters.

Something to Mooo.... About

2008-02-25T15:39:00.004-05:00

While the name still reminds me of a song from the musical Rent, the Boston restaurant Mooo.... (formally the better named The Federalist), remains a go-to place to find the best drinks, the best apps and some of the best steaks in the city.

The bar, run by the kind, capable and beautiful Melissa, and the just as kind (but unfortunately a Giants fan) Brad serve a diverse population of hotel guests, regulars and those looking for the next hot place. If you want the best Margarita you have ever had- Mooo is the place to go. If you want a Beef Carpaccio that is truly inspired- Moo is the place to go. If you want an ice cream sundae so good you will dream about it for weeks- Moo is the place to go.

While I have eaten in the restaurant numerous time, a reservation is recommended for dinner, I prefer the bar area where you are able to order off the full dinner menu or a smaller bar menu. The real hidden gem about Mooo however is the breakfast (and the weekend brunch). The dining room is almost always empty and the menu offers traditional breakfast and brunch fare prepared with high quality ingredients and an attention to detail that is second to none.

It's tough to find a bar stool on a Friday or Saturday night, but if you can, in between sightings of TV personalities and the occasional celebrity you will find some of the best food, the best wine, the best scotch and the best service Boston has to offer. While I miss the dark paneling of The Fed, Mooo has not disappointed.

Time to Embrace Boston's Students

2008-02-23T14:44:00.014-05:00

A Boston Globe editorial from November 16, 2007 does an exceptional job describing how important the educational and medical community is to Boston. "The area's eight major research universities boast an annual economic impact of more than $7 billion. Universities and their affiliated hospitals include more than one third of the state's 25 largest employers. They compete fiercely for prestigious faculty members, research grants, and the most talented students from around the nation. They are, without a doubt, one of Boston's world-class assets, both economically and culturally."

However this "economic and cultural" importance is often ignored by Boston residents, sure the student populations will destroy the very fabric of their neighborhoods. While Mumbles the Mayor has pushed colleges to build more dorms, he has also reversed himself when it become clear that position is not a popular one.

By the next month the Mayor had done an "about face" his original pro-dorm position and came out against a newly proposed Suffolk University dorm. According to the December 27, 2006 article: "We have been hearing loud and clear that dormitory use is inappropriate for that location. The mayor has heard that," Boston Redevelopment Authority director Mark Maloney said yesterday. "By and large, we do want students to be in dormitories," he added. But, "hearing from so many neighbors about the difficulties of living in a community with Suffolk students, we concluded it was not good for town-and-gown relations."

Local schools including Suffolk University, Emerson College, Boston College and Harvard University all have plans for expansion into the neighborhoods they call home. Perhaps the most troublesome of the Mayor's office and the Boston Redevelopment Authority is there inability to stand up to the neighborhood associations. When Emerson College began the Paramount Center Project and renovations to the Colonial Building there was no protest by the neighborhood, as the location, the former Combat Zone is still an "up and coming area" and the city is happy to have Emerson College fund its resurgence.

For Suffolk University and Boston College however, expansion has been met with great resistance. As recently as yesterday The Boston Globe was reporting that the Boston Redevelopment Authority was asking BC to contain the building of new dorms to the existing campus.

If Boston wants to continue to grow as a city, we need to embrace our student populations. The best way for us to do this is to commit to making the students feel like a part of our neighborhoods, rather then a blight on them. The students of Boston is what makes our city so strong, diverse and unique. It's time the city stands up to the overly vocal few in the neighborhood civic associations and do what's right for Boston.

Winter isn't all bad

2008-02-22T22:58:00.005-05:00

Boston got hit with another snow storm today. I don't have to worry about commuting so I think I see the good side of snow in Boston. The city looks like a postcard right now, and even though tomorrow everything will turn gray and brown, this afternoon, and tonight it is an amazing place to be.

Stumbling and Tumbling onto Happiness

2008-02-22T21:09:00.009-05:00

With the exception of the few people I know who, in general, take little notice of the world around them no one is happy. This is not after work drink or dinner table conversation however, and so we all seem to cling to our own unhappiness, wrap ourselves in it like a childhood safety blanket and let it define us.

When I saw the cover of Stumbling on Happiness out of the corner of my eye in Borders on Newbury Street, I wasn't looking for a book on how to be happy, in fact I was just killing time until the Guess Store opened next door. But the picture of an overturned bowl of cherries spilling onto the white cover attracted my somewhat short attention span and I quickly became engrossed in the book.

I am not one for self-help books, or even attempting self-help. But I could not put Daniel Gilbert's book down. A link to his site with information about the book and his blog is below. I am still unhappy. But after reading his book I have a better understanding why, and this is all the book ever promises.